On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
