Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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