Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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