she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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