Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
