remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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