I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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