woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
