Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!