Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
