And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
