It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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