Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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