singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
