U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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