as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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