woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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