absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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