My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
