and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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