the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
