Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
