Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
