his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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