there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
