Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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