Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
