"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
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