and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
