I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
