he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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