remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
