I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
