so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
