Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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