we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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