Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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