you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize