I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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