the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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