OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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