I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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