remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
