They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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