I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize