belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
