I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
