If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
