you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
