So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
