Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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