wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
