Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
