Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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