Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
