I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
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