I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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