I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
