You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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