His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize