What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
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Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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