Already got asked if we're dating
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
