Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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