I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
They have beer where we have blood.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
