Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
