I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
