I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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