Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize