bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
two words: eviction party
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
