be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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