the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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