What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
