lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
