at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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