your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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