on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
