just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
