ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
