sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
