my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize