just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
