Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize