I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
