I showed him my bush... on skype.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
