Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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