Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
not ubering you a puppy
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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