All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
