Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize